Are you ready now?
by Believe78
Summary: Formerly known as 'Open Road'. A view into the future of Alicia where her past and present seem to collide.
1. Chapter 1

Recent events made me rethink this story and I rewrote some parts to make it fit to follow what is happening in the show at the moment.

I hope you'll like the new spin to the story :)

And as always, don't own them

* * *

She stepped out of the elevator, crossing the hall to the door quickly. She reached for the doorbell but retracted her hand just before it made contact. She closed her eyes, shaking her head at herself, her sudden nervousness of the evening that lay before her. The thought of turning, stepping into the elevator again and calling to make her excuses about an emergency at work from the safety of her car crept through her mind. But she couldn't do that to her daughter, not at her engagement party. She took a deep breath, reaching her hand out again, determined to push the bell this time, when the sound of the elevator doors opening behind her stopped her once more.

"Alicia!" the sound of her mother's voice made her turn.

"Hi mom." she stepped towards her mother, hugging her briefly. She felt a bit relieved at the sight of her. Now she wouldn't arrive alone at least. The question why it mattered this much crossed her mind again. Was it sheer habit as she wasn't used to attend family gatherings on her own. Or did she already regret her decision that none of her family even knew about. She was determined not to say something tonight, not wanting to draw the attention away from Grace and Jason. Her news could wait.

"Are you on your own? Where's Jeff?" Veronica asked, watching her surprised.

"He couldn't make it. Last minute emergency with an important client." she was surprised how easy the lie rolled off her tongue, even face to face with her mom. All she hoped for was that her expression matched her casual tone. She had gotten used to lying over the phone about Jeff's absence, not having seen any of her family in the previous weeks.

"Oh, that's a shame." Veronica said disappointed, turning to ring the bell.

"Finally you're here." they were greeted by Owen, who opened the door. "I don't know anyone in there aside from your ex-husband." he grumbled towards her.

"Hello Owen. Nice to see you, too." she replied sarcastically to her brother's welcome while he hugged their mother. She got rid of her coat and walked further into the apartment to find her daughter and her future son-in-law. She scanned the people, nodding and smiling to a few she knew but always on the look-out for Peter's tall figure while Owen's words rang in her ears. _'...aside from your ex-husband.'_ She had known he'd be here, that nothing would keep him from attending his little girl's engagement party.

Finally she found Grace and Jason surrounded by a couple of their friends.

"Hi mom!" Grace walked towards her, hugging her closely.

"Congratulations!" she kissed her daughter on the cheek, holding her a little longer than necessary, once more painfully realizing she wasn't her little girl anymore but a grown woman about to start her own family soon. She loosened the embrace, not ashamed of the tears she felt rolling down her face. She turned to Jason, hugging him too.

"It's ok, Alicia. I'll treat her right." Jason reassured her.

"Yes, mom. Dad already gave him the talk."

"He did?" she stated surprised. It was rather ironic to imagine Peter telling Jason to better not mistreat Grace considering his own track-record on how to bring a marriage to the verge of falling apart. Deep down they both knew that this had been the beginning of the end of their marriage though they had tried to fix it. Peter's infidelity had shifted her life in another direction and she hadn't been willing to steer it back.

Especially not after Will's death. She knew she had hurt Peter with her decision back then and it had taken him a long time to realize she wasn't gonna change her mind about their marriage. A divorce then and there would have been the cleaner cut but the pain about Will's passing had drained her and she had no strength left to make it through that process. In a way she had been thankful to Peter for making that decision for her and file for divorce after a while. They had never talked about what drove him to make that step but she assumed he had given up hope she'd come around and give them one more chance. So he had set her free from her self-chosen confinement in a marriage that no longer deserved that name. She should've been relieved the day she signed the papers but all she could feel was regret about closing a chapter in her life that hat lasted for over 20 years and sadness about chances not taken along the way that might have led her down a different road.

She resumed her maiden name and threw herself into her work until about a year later Jeff walked into her life. It hadn't been love at first sight but started out as friendship that slowly turned to feel like she could spend the rest of her life with him. She sighed deeply when she thought about how wrong she had been once more.

"You know that dad is here, right?" Grace interrupted her train of thought and brought her back to reality. She nodded slowly.

"So, where is your brother? He is here, isn't he?" she was hastily changing the subject.

"Yes, the last time I saw him was in the kitchen with dad." Grace gestured into the direction of the hall and Alicia made a mental note to stay clear of the kitchen for now.

Contact with Peter had been scarce already while the kids had still been in school and college then faded nearly completely after Grace had graduated. The last time they had seen each other had been a few months ago but then Jeff had still been at her side and it had merely been a quick hello in passing at some function they had both attended. She knew tonight wouldn't be the same. It was a small party and chances were high they couldn't avoid each other completely.

"Here you are." Veronica exclaimed behind her and she stepped out of the way for her mother to greet and congratulate the happy couple.

"Where's your husband?" Owen's words next to her ear made her jump.

"Owen!" she nearly shouted at her brother. "You startled me."

"I'm sorry." he pouted, lowering his glance. "But I brought you a drink." he offered her his glass of red wine, which she took, raising an eyebrow at him.

"So, where is Jeff?" he repeated his question. She swallowed hard on her first sip of wine, trying to smile while she told her brother the same lie as her mother why Jeff wasn't with her.

"Ok, as always the job comes first for you lot. I still can't believe you married a lawyer again." he said sarcastically. "So, you just forgot to wear your wedding band or is there anything else I should know?" he mentioned casually, his glance locked on Alicia's left hand in which she held her glass.

"What?" this time she nearly choked on her wine. Coughing she switched the glass to her right hand, staring down on her empty ring-finger. She cursed herself for forgetting to put it back on. She had taken the ring of after delivering the papers to court and never worn it since. She had wanted to wear it tonight, just to make sure no one asked her why it was missing. But she was already used to not wearing it so it had slipped her mind.

"Oh, I must have forgotten to put it back on after I showered." she shrugged, hoping her brother would believe this lie as well.

"Well, that happens." he nodded and Alicia sighed quietly. She wasn't sure she'd withstand further interrogation by her brother.

"Excuse me, Owen. I want to look for Zach. I haven't seen him yet." she left her brother but with no intention to search for her son. She needed a few moments to herself and headed towards the bathroom. Unfortunately it was occupied, so she went into her daughter's bedroom, yearning for a moment of solitude. She closed the door, resting her back on it, exhaling deeply.

"No. We'll talk about it on Monday. I'm staying in Chicago over the weekend." her head spun around though she didn't need to see who was with her in the room. She'd recognize his voice everywhere. Peter. He stood at the window, his back to her, his cell in one hand and she somehow knew he was talking to Eli. She thought about the number of times she had watched him talk to Eli on the phone and a small smile appeared on her lips. It seemed like he hadn't noticed her presence yet and she thought about leaving the room before he did.

"Ok, Eli. Do what you think needs to be done. Good night." he turned and her chance to leave had passed.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop." she smiled apologetically at him.

"You couldn't. Just Eli going crazy as always." he chuckled, walking towards her.

"Hi Alicia." he hugged her and she couldn't help but notice he still used the same aftershave. She inhaled the scent deeply, trying to ignore the feeling of familiarity it stirred in her.

"Hi Peter." she stepped back, breaking the embrace, smiling faintly at him.

"Do you need to make a call? Should I leave you alone?"

"No." she shook her head. "I just needed to get away for a moment." she gestured with her head towards the door.

"Your mom? I take it she hasn't changed." he smirked.

"No and I doubt she ever will." she laughed.

"Like mine. She has no idea what year it is but she still criticizes me for my bad taste in ties." he joked but she could see the sadness in his eyes.

"I'm sorry. The kids told me she is in a nursing home now." she told him in a low voice. He just nodded and she took it as a sign he didn't want to speak about this topic. She knew that Jackie and her views had annoyed him for most of his adult life but he loved her dearly and seeing her losing her mind had to be heartbreaking for him.

"So, are the rumors true? You might be the next presidential candidate of the Democrats?" she steered the conversation into another direction.

"Since when do you believe in rumors?" he winked at her.

"Well, it's all over town, Peter! Everyone's just waiting for the announcement. Is that what Eli's going crazy about?" she teased him.

"Don't believe everything you hear on the street. I haven't decided yet." he stated more serious this time.

"Why?" the question was out before she had thought about it. Her curiosity had taken over though she knew that his motivations were no longer of her concern. He didn't reply for a while.

"You don't have to tell me, Peter. I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry." she broke the silence.

"No, it's ok. Actually I'd like to hear your opinion on it." she nodded at his words, telling him to go on.

"I'm not sure I can even win the nomination. For once I'm not married nor in a relationship. And when was the last time a single was elected for president?"

"That's your only concern? No wonder Eli is going crazy." she chuckled.

"Well, if that's not enough they'll bring up my past again. Reheat the scandal." he went on, ignoring her teasing.

"That's old news, Peter. No one will care." she replied in a more serious tone.

"It might be here in Illinois but not for the rest of the country."

"Is that all that makes you hesitate? You shouldn't. Run, Peter. Give it a try. We both know you want to." she smiled at him encouragingly.

"Will you still think like that when you and the kids get dragged into it again? The scandal won't be old news when the political opposition ignites the press's interest and they start digging again. I can't do this to you and the kids once more. Not to mention what your husband would've to say about you being in the press again."

She inhaled sharply as he mentioned Jeff, watching Peter in silence for a few moments.

"You got reelected twice, also unmarried, Peter, and I don't think the scandal was ever an issue again. But I get your point and I thank you for even considering it in your decision-making, but if that's all what's keeping you from running I have only one advice for you: Run." she paused for second.

"And Jeff is no longer of any concern." she added under her breath. She saw him raise an eyebrow at her last words, apparently not sure if it was ok to ask her for a reason.

"Why?" he whispered after what felt like minutes elapse in silence.

"I filed for divorce a few weeks ago." she finally said it and it wasn't as difficult as she had imagined. She still wondered why she had even brought it up, why she had allowed the conversation to arrive at this point. There had been no need. She could've ignored Peter's statement about Jeff but she had commented on it and anything than admitting the truth now would've been shallower than the white lies she had told her family.

"I'm sorry. But why?" he asked but shook his head immediately. "No, you don't need to answer. It's none of my business."

"It's ok, Peter. It just didn't turn out like I wanted it to, or rather how I had hoped it would. I realized this quite some time ago but didn't do something about it. But I couldn't go on lying to Jeff and least of all to myself. No one knows yet that he moved out." It felt good to say it out loud. She hadn't talked with anyone about this, the decision had been hers alone and she didn't regret it like she had thought earlier. The reason for her nervousness lay someplace else. Surprisingly she felt a tear roll down her cheek. A tear she wasn't crying out of sadness about what she had just admitted to Peter but for the untold words she wasn't ready to share with anyone just yet. Least of all with him.

"I'm sorry." he murmured again and she felt him closer but couldn't remember seeing him step nearer. But there he was, inches away from her so she could smell his aftershave again. Suddenly she felt his thumb brushing off the single tear from her face. She wanted to step back but she seemed unable to move. His hand lingered on her cheek, finally moving away to push a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She peered up into his eyes, which watched her in a mixture of sympathy and worry. All she needed to do was lift her head to get their lips to meet. It felt tempting and the memory of thousands of shared kisses flooded over her. Eventually she moved her head a little, seeing a glimpse of surprise in his eyes. But he stood still, like telling her silently that anything that might happen was up to her. She felt her heart thunder in her ears as she slowly moved closer, their eyes locked and her lips only inches away from his.

"Mom?" Zach's voice from outside the door brought them back to reality, making them jump away from each other.

"Yes?" she called back, feeling light-headed and confused.

"Grandma is looking for you. She wants to take pictures of all of us together." Zach told her through the still closed door.

"I'll be out in a minute. I'm just finishing a call." her eyes were locked on the doorknob, hoping Zach would leave now and not enter the room.

"Ok." her son replied and she heard his footsteps as he walked away from the door. She exhaled deeply and heard Peter do the same next to her.

"I think I should head outside before my mother comes herself to check on me. And we can be sure she won't stay outside." she didn't bother waiting for his answer, she headed to the exit to get away as she felt he'd want to talk about what just nearly happened and she wasn't sure she could do that now.

"There you are." her mother's accusatory tone greeted her outside.

"Have you seen Peter? Grace wants him in the pictures too." Veronica went on but Alicia just shook her head.

"Good. Then we'll make them without him." her mother smiled as they walked away but Alicia hoped Peter had heard them.

She knew he had when he joined them in the living room just moments later.

"I heard I'm needed for pictures." he came walking towards them, smiling brightly at Veronica and winking at her when no one else could see it. She smiled back at him and was glad that the next half hour passed by with shooting pictures in various combinations of the attending family members including Jason's parents and siblings.

She tried not to think of what had driven her to nearly kiss Peter earlier. She'd deal with it once this evening was over and pushed it to the back of her mind. It worked quite well until Grace wanted a picture with just herself and her parents. And so she found herself next to Peter, something she had managed to avoid in the previous pictures. But soon she felt his palm on her back and the fragile paper-wall, she had built around all the feelings, thoughts and doubts the almost-kiss had stirred up in her, was torn and all that emotional chaos swept over her anew. She tried to stay calm but it got more difficult by the minute to keep smiling for the camera. So she literally fled from Peter's side as soon as Zach, who had taken the last round of pictures, told them he had enough.

She quickly involved Jason's mother in a conversation about the upcoming wedding and they were soon joined by Grace who told them about a dress she had seen the previous week during her lunch break. Time flew as they discussed decorations, food and the perfect number of bridesmaids and it was way after midnight when she checked her watch. She looked around the room where only few guests were left. Her mother and brother had said their goodbyes earlier but she hadn't seen Peter since they had shot the pictures. Part of her hoped he had left and she didn't need to face him again but another part felt disappointed that he might have left without saying goodbye.

She turned to Grace to tell her she'd be leaving. They hugged and she left the room, waving to Jason and Zach who sat together on the couch. She walked down the hall to get her coat when she nearly ran into Peter who just walked out of the kitchen.

"I thought you had already left." she told him, avoiding to look into his face. He was too close again and if this night had taught her anything, it was that she couldn't trust herself near him.

"I was about to go. You?"

"I'm leaving. Good bye, Peter." she peered up into his eyes and thought she saw a flicker of sadness at her rather formal words. It wasn't what she really wanted to say but she failed the courage to voice what went through her head.

"Could you wait a moment? I had hoped we could talk." he watched her hopefully while she just stood there, not sure how to answer.

"Please?" he added when she remained silent.

"Ok, how about you walk me to my car?" she finally said.

"Sure." he smiled at her.

She got her coat while he headed back inside to say goodbye to Grace and Zach and joined her a short while later outside the apartment. The elevator ride passed in silence.

"No security tonight?" she asked him as no bodyguard hurried to their side and no car waited with running engine at the curb when they stepped out to the street.

"No, I sent them home a while ago. I'll take a cab." he replied and she just nodded. They walked in silence and had almost reached her car when Peter finally spoke again.

"About that..."

"I'm sorry for what nearly happened earlier, Peter." she cut him off turning towards him.

"Don't be, Alicia. Nothing really happened and I won't mention it again if you don't want me to." he smiled at her and she felt grateful that he gave her an easy way out of this.

"Thank you. I'm not sure what happened there..."

"No need to explain. It's ok and not what I wanted to talk to you about." he interrupted her and she was glad about it as words failed her to explain what she had felt earlier.

"You didn't?" she stopped, watching him surprised.

"No. I wanted to ask how you're doing. Wanted to make sure you're ok."

"Oh!" she was slightly taken aback by his words. "I'm getting there. Thanks for asking."

"Well, if you ever need to talk, you still know how to reach me. That's if you don't think it's weird." he flashed her a half-smile.

"No, I don't think it's weird, Peter. Maybe we can go to dinner some time?" she asked, charily returning his smile.

"I'd like that, Alicia." he smiled brightly this time. They walked the few more steps to her car in silence again. They said their goodbye and she drove off, glancing in the rear-view mirror, seeing him still standing at the same spot looking after her and she couldn't help but smile.


	2. Chapter 2

Finally the second chapter of this story. I decided to rename it after finding the perfect song to go along with it :)

Thanks to all the people who kicked me to get going with the next chapter :)

As always, I don't own them :/

* * *

"Hey, Mom." Zach greets her on the other end of the line after she reached for the phone on her bedside table. Alicia had tried to ignore the ringing, burying her head under the pillow but the noise hadn't stopped and so she finally checked the caller and answered after seeing it was her son.

"Hey." she replies, repressing a yawn.

"Did I wake you?" Zach chuckles, apparently unable to imagine his mother is still in bed after 10am, even on a Sunday morning.

"You did." she declares.

"Oh, I'm sorry." she can hear the surprise in her son's voice.

"No, problem. It got late in the office last night." she lies, not wanting to admit that she had spent the last two nights rather sleepless, her mind still occupied with what had happened at Grace's engagement party. Or rather what not had happened and she still hasn't made up her mind if she's glad that Zach's knock had interrupted the kiss from happening. She has replayed the scene in her head countless times and still has no answer to what really drove her actions. Deep down she knows the reason but she isn't ready to admit it to herself yet.

"So, what's up, Zach? Shouldn't you be on a plane?" she steers the conversation and her thoughts in another direction while sitting up in bed.

"My flight got changed to late afternoon, so I'm meeting Grace and Dad for brunch. I'd really like you to join us, Mom."

"Your Dad is still in town?" she asks casually, though she knows the answer.

"Yes, he spent yesterday with Grace and Jason and we were supposed to have dinner together but Eli dragged him to some charity thing last minute and when I learned my flight back to San Francisco was delayed we rescheduled for brunch. So, will you join us?"

"I don't want to intrude, Zach. You barely see your Dad anyhow." she tries to decline politely, not sure how she feels about seeing Peter again.

"I barely see you as well, Mom. And I won't be back before Grace's wedding and with your schedule it's not likely you'll come visit me in California before that. Am I right?" he chuckles and she silently agrees with him.

"Ok, I'll join you." she sighs after a few seconds.

"Great, Mom. Come down when you're ready. I'm waiting for you downstairs in the car."

"You were very sure of your case, right?" she laughs as she climbs out of bed to get dressed.

"I learnt from the best, Mom. See you in a few." he joins in her laughter as she hangs up to get ready.

* * *

They step into the restaurant about 45 minutes later and she feels the familiar nervousness creep up again. Her glance travels over the tables and she finally sees Peter and her daughter by the window. Her gaze lingers on Grace and Peter talking as she tries to remember the last time they spent time together, just the four of them as a family. She lowers her eyes as she can't recall and she is powerless against the sadness that fills her heart. She looks up again, realizing Peter is watching her. Their eyes meet and she feels her lips curl up in a smile.

"There they are!" Zach yanks her from her thoughts and they walk over to the table. She hugs her daughter while Zach and Peter greet each other.

"Hi Peter." she turns, hugging him briefly, savoring his scent and the feel of his lips on her cheek.

"So, it's been a while since it's been just the four of us." Peter vocalizes her earlier thoughts after they have ordered.

None of them says anything and a rather awkward silence settles between them.

"So, how was the charity thing last night, Dad?" Zach finally breaks the quiet.

"A big waste of time, if you ask me. But you all know Eli. It's nearly impossible to talk him out of something he's set his mind on." he chuckles. "I'm sorry for canceling dinner. I'm glad we could make this brunch happen before your flight." he smiles at Zach, who nods.

They talk about different things, like Zach's work in California and about the wedding of course, while they eat. It's a relaxed atmosphere and Alicia finds herself actually enjoying herself, joining in the laughter as they share funny memories from when the kids were still little. Her glance and Peter's meet from time to time and there is one moment where she feels the impulse to cover his hand with hers. She already lifted her hand from the table as she reconsiders, realizing where they are and that she still has no explanation for her actions. So she steers her hand toward her coffee cup, paying attention to the conversation of her family again.

"Oh, and do you remember when you were obsessed with weddings, Grace?" Zach smirks at his sister. "You wouldn't stop asking Mom to give you her wedding dress for weeks." he laughs.

"Stop it, Zach. You're exaggerating. It wasn't weeks." Grace slaps her brother playfully on the upper arm.

"Well, now you have months to obsess about your own wedding dress. We should start looking soon, honey." Alicia smiles at her daughter.

"Yes, you should. And I want you to send the bill to me. And not just for the dress but for anything else as well." Peter chimes in.

"Thanks, Dad. But you don't need to. Mom is paying for the dress and Jason and I will pay the rest ourselves." Grace states.

"No, Grace. I insist. I want you to have your dream wedding, so the least I can do is pay for it."

"Thanks, Dad." Grace gets up from her chair, hugging her father.

"Oh, Grace, we need to go if your offer still stands to drive me to the airport." Zach states, looking at his watch after Grace resumed her seat.

"Sure, I'll drive you. But don't we need to go right now then?" she checks her watch too.

"Yes, we do. I completely lost track of time. We won't be able to drop you off at home, Mom. Sorry." Zach stands, smiling apologetically at his mother.

"It's all right, Zach. I'll take a cab. Don't worry. Have a good flight and call when you're home." Alicia gets up as well, hugging both her kids.

"Thanks, Mom. And of course I will."

"I can take you home, if you want, Alicia." Peter offers after hugging Grace good bye.

"Sure. Why not. It's been a while since I've been in a limo." she chuckles.

"I'm sorry. No chauffeur today. Can I still give you a ride?" he smiles at her and the thought that she probably shouldn't be alone with him crosses her mind.

"Sure." she nods, shoving the doubts away.

"We need to go. Bye, Dad." Zach hugs his father and he and Grace head out of the restaurant.

"You want to go, too? Or should we get another coffee?" Peter asks her as she watches her kids leave.

"No, let's go. I'm sure you have to get back to Springfield soon." she looks at him and sees him shake his head.

"My plane isn't scheduled before 8pm."

"Ok, would you like to go for a walk? It's such a nice day." she has no idea why she asks him to spend more time with her, it's just a feeling she follows, hoping she's not making a complete fool of herself.

"Sure, I'd like that." he smiles at her before waving the waitress to get the bill.

* * *

"Here we are." he kills the engine as they stop in front of her apartment building a few hours later.

"Thanks for driving me home and for keeping me company, Peter." she flashes him a smile as she unbuckles and thinks about the previous hours. She enjoyed talking to him, it nearly felt like back when they started dating and could spend hours just talking to each other about any topic under the sun.

"My pleasure." he smiles back. "So this is where you moved with Jeff?" he gestures towards the house.

"Yes, the old apartment was just too big after Grace left for college. Can I invite you up for a coffee?" And again her words are faster than her mind, but she doesn't regret saying them.

"A coffee would be nice." he replies, smiling as he unbuckles as well.

"So, now you've seen it all. As I said it's not that big." she chuckles as they walk into the kitchen after she showed him the apartment.

"I like it, Alicia." he smiles at her as she walks over to the coffee-maker.

"Thanks. Do you still want a coffee?" she retrieves some mugs from the cupboard as he nods and walks to the kitchen-island, that is not much different from the one she had in her old apartment, and sits down.

"We talked about so much on our walk but I didn't ask you about your firm. How's it going?" he asks her as she sits down beside him, placing a mug with steaming coffee in front of him.

"It's going ok. The usual. Getting the bad guys off, helping the rich getting richer." she sighs after she took a sip from her own cup.

"That doesn't sound happy, Alicia." he states, watching her and she seems to see concern in his eyes.

"Well, I wish I was doing something else sometimes. But aren't we all?" she brushes his question away, suddenly feeling not comfortable talking about herself.

"I guess." he replies and they both drink their coffee in silence.

"I should go. Thanks for the coffee." he says after a while, putting his mug down and getting up.

"You're welcome." she stands as well and accompanies him outside into the hall.

"I had a good time, Alicia." he smiles after he puts on his coat.

"Me too." she admits. "So, you still think we should meet for dinner sometime?"

"Sure, let me check when I'm in town the next time." he reaches into his inner coat pocket, retrieving his cell.

"I have a speech in Chicago in two weeks. I could get into town Saturday afternoon and we could meet for dinner that night. How about that?" he looks up from the phone.

"That sounds good." she smiles, trying not to sound too delighted he agreed to see her again.

"Ok, then I'll pick you up that night at 7pm." he states as he types the date into his calendar and she nods at his words.

"I hope I didn't offend you with my comment about you not sounding happy earlier." he asks as he looks up again.

"No, you didn't. It's just not that easy to admit you're no longer happy with your job." she sighs, not looking at him. "I sometimes think I should've considered Eli's idea back then and ran for SA."

"I liked the idea back then and I remember telling you that you would be great but I respected your decision." she feels his gaze on her but keeps on staring to the floor.

"I know, but I wasn't really listening to anything you said then." she whispers, peering up again.

"I better go." he says firmly and she gets the feeling he's forcing himself not to say anything else.

"Ok." she replies as he steps forward to hug her. She shuts her eyes, enjoying his closeness and she holds on to him a little longer than necessary. He backs away and she looks up into his face but this time she doesn't hesitate but leans in again, placing a kiss on his lips. She feels him stiffen against her and she's about to step back as she notices his hands on her waist, drawing her closer. She melts against his body, running her hands through his hair as she feels his tongue teasing her lower lip, deepening the kiss. His hands travel up her back, his fingertips brushing lightly over her neck. Her skin burns under his touch and she sighs into the kiss, the feelings rushing through her seem familiar but new and exciting as well.

"I can't do this!" he exclaims as he steps away from her, breaking the kiss.

"I'm sorry." she murmurs, slightly out of breath, backing away to lean against the dresser, her gaze on the floor.

"What is this, Alicia?" he whispers and she feels his eyes on her while she's still looking down.

"I don't know what to make of this. And I'm not sure I want to know. But I'm asking you anyway. Why are you doing this? First this almost kiss two days ago and now this." he sighs deeply and his confusion is palpable to her.

"I…I'm…" she starts, trying to find words that will make sense of her confused thoughts. She peers up, her glance fixed on his chest, afraid to look into his eyes.

"I need you to talk to me, Alicia. Tell me what's going on in your mind." his voice has gotten gentler but she can still see the bewilderment in his face. She's still just standing there, not knowing what to tell him, fighting with her own feelings. It seems like a battle between her heart and her mind, the one telling her to finally voice what deep down she knows to be the truth while the other is screaming doubts at her, showing her images from their past. A past she wants to forget.

"But you kissed me back." she finally manages to say, regretting it the moment the words leave her lips and she hears him snort in response.

"Of course I kissed you back. How could I not kiss the person I've loved for nearly half my life, the mother of my children and the woman who's still the love of my life." he sighs and she looks up, gasping as she sees the pain in his features.

"Peter…" she whispers but he shakes his head.

"There, I told you what's going on in my mind and in my heart. Maybe I shouldn't have. But I think you need to know this, so you can understand that I can't be your rebound from Jeff. I need you to mean it, I need you to be willing to talk to me, Alicia. Talk about everything, even the stuff from the past, if you intend to take this any further." he exhales deeply as his hand gestures from himself to her before he turns and opens the door.

"Think about it and if you're sure you really want this, then show up for dinner in two weeks. Good night."


	3. Chapter 3

I hope you still enjoy this story :)

As always I don't own them :/

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Alicia puts the finishing touches to her make up, checking her appearance in the mirror. She exhales deeply as her glance wanders over to the clock. Another 15 minutes until Peter will be here to pick her up. She thought a lot about Peter's words during the last two weeks. She knows he is right about her needing to make up her mind, needing to know what she really wants. She tried to find out during the last days, tried to listen to her heart, blocking out her mind that still shows her painful images from their past, which mostly drown out the little voice that tells her how right it felt in Peter's arms. But she also realizes she wasn't thinking when she kissed him, but followed her instinct. An instinct she wants to trust but doubts keep creeping up. She closes her eyes as she remembers that she still has no idea what she will tell Peter later. She owes him an answer as his words still echo through her mind. _…__and the woman who__'__s still the love of my life._

His confession had shocked her at first, but soon she realized it wasn't that much of a surprise. She had always known that not the loss of love for her drove him to divorce. It had always felt more like he was setting her free from the pain he had caused her, allowing her to start anew. It hadn't worked and she is now facing another divorce, but this time she is the one who had ended it.

She steps up to her dresser to get some earrings from her jewelry box. She doesn't know why she reaches for the velvet pouch that she hasn't opened in years and tugged away to the furthest corner of the box. But now she loosens the ties and lets the contents glide on her palm. The two diamonds glisten in the light cast by the lamp on the dresser. She picks up the ring that Peter had given her as he had asked her to renew their vows. She realized a long time ago that she shouldn't have accepted that ring back then. She had followed her mind and not her heart when she had said yes. This time she's trying to do it the other way around but she knows she'll never be able to shut down her mind completely. She lets the ring fall back into the pouch, shortly looking at her engagement ring before it joins the other one in the bag with a low clank. She puts the bag down on the dresser while the third ring, her wedding band, remains in her palm. She has no idea why she keeps it in her hand and eventually picks it up, sliding it slowly on to the finger she has worn it on for 20 years while they still were married. She gasps as a flood of images stream into her mind. Happy ones at first like the moment Peter put the ring on her hand for the first time at their wedding but moments later the pictures change to the darkest area of their marriage, the days after she found out about Peter's betrayal. But not just the memories return, but also the way she felt when she experienced them, the pain and fear that dominated her then. She feels helpless again and numb, suddenly afraid of what she's about to do. How can she want to have the man back in her life, that caused her so much hurt. She feels like she can't breathe, like she's drowning in all that pain once more. She pulls the ring from her finger, letting it fall on the dresser and stepping back. One thought dominating her mind. _I can__'__t do that._

The doorbell makes her jump but then she stays frozen in her spot. It rings a few times more but her mind is empty. After the fifth ring the bell stays silent and she slowly moves to the window, looking down on the street. She just catches Peter getting back in the car, starting the engine. The car doesn't move for another few minutes and for a split second she thinks about rushing down after all, but the pain she just felt is still too fresh in her mind so she stays where she is until the car drives away. She should feel relieved but instead a deep sadness settles in her heart as she watches the back lights disappear in the distance. She shakes her head at herself as she steps back from the window, kicking her heels away. She walks over to the bed, crawling under the covers, not caring that she's still fully clothed. She feels exhausted all of a sudden but doubts that sleep will come to her easily as her mind is still processing what just happened. A part of her can't believe she stayed home and proves Peter right. And another question fills up her mind. Did she stay to avoid talking about their past? Deep down she knows that one reason that they never found back to each other was her refusal to talk, to not stir up the pain again. She realized a few days back that she won't be able to escape it this time. Will her fear to face their past again prevent her from getting a second chance with Peter? She is aware that there is no guarantee that they will make it this time but if she refuses to discuss the issues, she might rob them of that chance. That thought leaves her short of breath and keeps on circling in her mind before she drifts into an uneasy sleep.

She wakes in the early hours of the morning, remorse about her cowardice from last night running through her. She can only imagine how Peter felt when she didn't show up as he stood outside to pick her up. She sighs deeply as she climbs out of bed and heads to the bathroom, hoping a shower will clear her confused thoughts. A little while later she steps into the kitchen, her mind made up on what to do. She makes herself a cup of coffee and walks over to her laptop. It doesn't take her long to find out where and when Peter is giving the speech he told her about. She finishes her coffee and gets dressed. Though his speech isn't for many hours she knows that chances are higher she won't leave the house if she waits here, that doubts will make her reconsider again. She gets into her car, driving aimlessly through town at first. But soon she finds herself near the lake and she stops the car to take a walk. She sits down on a bench at the shore after a while, looking out on the water. She remembers coming here often as a teenager, the view and peace calming her mind from whatever troubled her. She tries to recall the last time she's been here but fails, wondering why she stopped as she already feels the soothing effect sitting here has on her. Breathing seems easier and suddenly the fear from last night is nothing more than a memory from the past. Somehow she knows that Peter wouldn't hurt her again, that his promise back then had been sincere unlike hers. She wasn't able to see it then, not realizing that he had changed. She's tangled up deep in her thoughts until an elderly couple joins her on the bench and she checks the time. She's been sitting there for hours without even noticing. Now she has to hurry to catch Peter after his speech as she has no idea about his schedule for the rest of the day.

She arrives at the hotel where the event takes place and decides to wait in the lobby. She keeps watching the direction she knows the banquet hall is located and after a few minutes the first people emerge in groups. She waits until the crowd gets thinner before she gets up and walks down the corridor to the opened doors, peering inside carefully. She spots Peter, his back to the door, engrossed in a conversation with two men. She steps back from the door, hoping the men will leave soon and she can catch Peter alone. She's glad that she hasn't seen Eli so far, shortly wondering why he's not hovering next to Peter or at least in the background, like he used to do in the past. Eventually Peter's conversation ends and she passes the men as she enters the room.

"Peter?!" she calls out as she sees him leaving through a door on the backside of the room. He turns and she sees his eyes widen in shock and disbelief. He looks down, shaking his head as he lets one hand run through his hair.

"What do you want, Alicia?" he sighs, looking back up and his eyes meet hers. She can see the disappointment in them despite the distance.

"I want to apologize." she says, walking slowly towards him.

"It's alright. I wasn't too surprised actually." he states curtly, avoiding her glance as she steps up to him.

"It's not alright, Peter. I'm sorry for not showing up. I got scared. I'm sorry. Will you let me explain?" she talks fast, afraid he will turn and leave.

"Alicia, don't. I get it. Don't bother and let's just forget it." he replies, his hand reaching for the handle.

"No, I don't want to forget it, Peter. I'm really sorry and I want to explain." she reaches for his arm, holding him back.

"Alright." he sighs, letting go off the handle as he turns and looks at her. She inhales sharply as she searches his eyes which say the opposite of his words.

"I know this will sound terribly lame but I really got scared. Scared because you said we needed to talk about our past. I had hoped we could skip that, but I realized you really meant it and I know you are right."

"Alicia…" he interrupts her but she won't let him.

"Please, let me finish." she pleads but he slightly shakes his head.

"I think we shouldn't talk about this here." he states and nods his head towards the room behind her. She looks around and sees several people stacking up the chairs and cleaning up the hall.

"Oh, sure." she agrees. "But where..?" she trails off as she feels his hand on her elbow.

"Come with me." he steers her through the hall and outside, crossing the lobby and climbing the stairs. She's not quite sure but she thinks she sees Eli in the corner of her eye, watching them as they reach the first floor. Peter calls the elevator and they ascend to the top floor. They don't speak until they enter Peter's room.

"Ok, we have some privacy now. So, you were saying?" he says while he walks over to the sideboard, opening the mini bar to retrieve a bottle of water. She has lost her train of thought during the way up, so she just stares at him as he empties the bottle into two glasses.

"Well, as I said I'm sorry, Peter. I got scared…"

"Do you have something else to say or will it be the same over and over again? If so, please hurry up. I have to get ready for my flight back to Springfield." he cuts her off, staring at her but this time she can't read his eyes.

"I was ready for you to pick me up yesterday but then I found my wedding band and everything came flooding back to me. The pain, the humiliation, the shattered trust. I felt like I couldn't face that again. I couldn't go downstairs to meet you and tell you I agree to talk about our past." she draws a breath and feels him staring at her. She looks up and sees him opening his mouth but she holds up her hand to stop him, knowing she needs to say it now, uninterrupted or she might never say it. He closes his mouth again and nods slightly to make her go on.

"When I saw you leave I didn't feel relieved but sad. And then I realized something this morning. I wasn't dreading it only because I feared getting hurt again by you, but I was scared I might harm you with stuff I never admitted, things I did I'm not proud of." she breathes, her voice getting lower with each word.

"What do you mean?" he mutters, keeping his distance.

"I mean I want to come clean about some stuff I never told you, because you are right. We can't go on without being honest with each other." she looks at him and sees confusion and a glimmer of worry in his glance.

"So you want us to go on?" he whispers and she steps up to him, nodding lightly.

"Yes, Peter. If you still want it, too. Can we just pretend last night didn't happen and will you give me a second chance on another first date?" she reaches for his hand and feels him stiffen at her touch. But she doesn't shy back and he allows the contact. She searches his eyes, wishing she could read them.

"I meant what I said two weeks ago, so of course I do." a slight smile plays on his lips as he pulls her closer and relief rushes through her.

"But don't you want to know what I never told you?" she asks nervously.

"For now your promise that we will talk is enough." he smiles, letting go of her hand to slide it around her waist.

"I promise." she states, locking her eyes with his, the first smile of the day slowly appearing on her face.

"I believe you and I will hold you to that promise." he caresses her cheek as she nods, relaxing against his chest, her arms sliding around him, holding him close. She needs the contact to realize she isn't dreaming. She had imagined many scenarios but not this, not that this day would end in his arms. She sighs as his index-finger lifts her chin, so she looks at him again. He leans in and his lips brush over hers, softly at first but soon she feels his tongue teasing her lower lip. She parts her lips, deepening the kiss. They break apart after a while, catching their breath, their foreheads touching. Their eyes lock and the tenderness she sees in Peter's lets the rest of her doubts and fear disappear. She knows it's only the start of a long road but she wants to take the chance.

A buzzing noise from Peter's suit pocket makes her step back and Peter reaches for his phone. He checks the display and tells her it's Eli before he answers.

"Hi Eli." he also steps back but reaches for her hand.

"No, Eli. Change of plans. I'm staying another night." he says after he listened to Eli for a while.

"Yes, please arrange everything. And no, you don't have to stay, too." he states, smiling at her.

"No, I won't need you. It's something private." he winks at her and she can picture Eli raising his eyebrow in her mind which makes her chuckle and earns her a warning look from Peter.

"Thanks, Eli." he finishes the phone call and pulls her closer, sealing her lips with his.

"We don't want Eli to know yet." he winks at her as they break the kiss and she nods.

"So, can I take you to dinner now?" he asks, a shy smile on his lips that brightens as she nods again and draws him in for another kiss.


End file.
